Author Harvest ‘bales’ up Christine Darcas

I’m feeling a bit Sonia Kruger-ish right now. In fact, I’m shaking my maracas and ready to do a little ‘jive talkin’ with the all-dancing, amazingly talented author, Christine Darcas.

So Christine, start by telling me what you’ve whipped up for us.

A vodka martini, my friend! It’s Friday night and I’m blogging. I quite enjoy drinking and blogging in moderation.

(Oooh, it’s a par-taaay! I knew we had a lot in common, Christine, except ‘moderation! See my friend here…..)

Okay, before the martini’s start to take effect…

At home…

My mum says garden gnomes make a house a home! Are you loud and proud in your love of garden gnomes at home, a closet gnomer or with a strict ‘no gnomes’ policy at your place?

I have nothing against a jolly garden gnome, but I’m more of a garden-nymph type of gal. If I had a garden that was big and stately enough, I would definitely have nymphs. I like how dreamy and whimsical they are.

(Funny! I’ve always seen nymphs as small, naked and really annoying. Maybe it’s the martinis.)

What vegetable (or fruit) have you always wanted to grow at home?

I’m determined to grow an herb garden. I’ve been determined to have one for years. I just need to kick myself in the bum and make it happen.

(Given you’re a dancer I’m guessing you probably can achieve that bum kick!)

If I came to your home and looked in the refrigerator, what would I find?

If you were to ask my children (daughter 20 years old and son 17 years old), they would say not much. In the case of my son, I sometimes wonder if I actually gave birth to a billy goat. As soon as I stock the frig, that boy chews his way through it.

If you sorted your wardrobe by colour, what colour would stand out? (Ahh, do you sort your wardrobe by colour?!)

No, I don’t sort my wardrobe by colour. I do, however, sort it by function (dresses together, blouses together, jackets together, etc). I just looked in my closet and the predominant colour is brown: caramel, chestnut, auburn … all shades of brown. I’m not sure how that happened. I thought my favourite colour was green.

(I bet you’ve got a few sequins in there somewhere!!!!!)

What are you wearing now? (Be honest!)

Hipster jeans (I wear jeans until my toe tears through them when I put them on, then I still keep them for a while), a grey cotton top, a grey jumper, cotton undies (although my bra is from Victoria’s Secret) and runners. No make up. Took my last shower yesterday. Sounds irresistibly sexy, no?

(No! I expected sequins.)

Whose home would you like to housesit and why?

Know anyone in Santorini? That one is on the top of my bucket list. The ocean, white-washed buildings nestled in cliffs, warm air and sunshine …

(You need to talk to Helen Ellis (Author Harvest a couple of weeks ago). Just don’t ask Helen about her garden gnome… Really. Don’t!)

Country curiosities…

We love a sunburnt country (slip, slop, slap and all that). What’s your ideal hat? Or are you a boots person?

I really like the straw cowboy hat that Elle Macpherson wears. If I wear a hat, that’s the one I wear: funny how it doesn’t quite have the same effect.

(Try the hat with the Victoria’s Secret bra perhaps!)

If you were a tree (or animal) what kind of tree (animal) would you be?

A lioness. I love them. They’re graceful, strong and protective.

Now for the big question… Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it spotted a worm on the other side, silly!

About you…

Your turning point: when was that point in your life that you realized that being an author was no longer going to be just a dream but a reality and a career?

In roughly 1998 I realised that I was doomed to be a writer. I had been tinkering with short stories, then the idea for a novel banged me over the head. It demanded to be written, like a bizarre force screaming ‘Write me or I won’t give you peace!’. That novel was never accepted for publication – I have a binder full of ‘Close, but no cigar’ rejection letters for it. But I sure loved writing it.

(Well, I love your books, so dig out that novel and take a fresh look.)

What is the hardest part of writing for you?

The financial side – I’m in a good mood, so let’s not get me started on that.

If someone was to write your biography, what do you think the title should be?

Teetering in High Heels.

(Hmm, martinis definitely makes one teetery?)

Fun stuff…

What does your protagonist think about you? Would he or she want to hang out with you, the author, his/her creator.

My protagonists tend to be a bit tormented before they find their way, so I reckon that they would nag me endlessly. ‘Oh, Christine, I’m just so torn. Please tell me that everything will be okay.’ Of course it will be, love. I’d never leave a girl without hope.

(But you do squeeze them into torturous high heels!)

If you could trade places with any other person for a week, famous or not famous, living or dead, real or fictional, with whom would it be?

Angelina Jolie – just to see if Brad Pitt is really as amazing as he’s cracked up to be.

(Make sure she takes the kids–all of them!)

If I said to you, “Just entertain me for five minutes, I’m not going to talk,” what would you do?

I would pour you a huge glass of wine, blare Earth, Wind and Fire’s ‘September’ and dance like a maniac.

It’s par-taay time. (Do you remember….???? yes I do!)
What food would you be?

An almond. Healthy for some, lethal for others.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?

Sex, Jenn. Without sex, there wouldn’t be people who needed bread!

(Right about now I’m thinking martinis! Let’s keep dancing. Or you can…)

… name 5 uses for a stapler that has not staple pins.

A stapler without staple pins just snaps, which strikes me as threatening. So everything that I’m imagining (like snapping the stapler at the dog when she doesn’t obey) seems sort of socially unacceptable. I might leave that one alone.

(I’m thinking maracas maybe? :))))

How weird are you? Rate yourself on a scale of 1 (not) to 10 (very).

Like beauty, weirdness is in the eye of the beholder. So I’m perfectly normal. A nice, healthy 5 😉

Woot! That was fun. My head is ‘Spinning Out’. Too much ‘Dancing Backwards in High Heels’!! 

Need bed!

But but before I go folks, do yourself a favour. Track down a copy of Christine’s books: ‘Dancing Backwards in High Heels’ and ‘Spinning Out’.

Below the blurbs you’ll find links to the iTunes and Kindle versions of both books.

Dancing Backwards in Hight Heels: Amazon and iTunes

Spinning out:  Amazon and iTunes

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